I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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