96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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