Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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