He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
