I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
