By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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