This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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