She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
