So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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