I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
