Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
