When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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