You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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