I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
