I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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