I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
