That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
