I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
