I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
