If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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