im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
