I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
