Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
