he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
