drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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