my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
