Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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