you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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