your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
