I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
