apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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