If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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