"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They took my balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
