it's too hot outside to masturbate.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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