Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
