I am spending my child support on dildos
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Text me some of your sweat
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
