The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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