i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
