Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
