Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
