She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
