The maid of honor just puked.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
