why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
