i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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