I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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