lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if only i could text you this smell
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
