Three words: puerto rican gang bang
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
