Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
