the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
