Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
