He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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