It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
